I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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