Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
