were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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