Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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