Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
