Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize