brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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