is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize