I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
