It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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