and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
