i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
