These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
