im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
