why didn't you poke me back
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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