I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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