I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
