so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
