i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize