you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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