they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
