3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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