I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
