So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
