She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
