im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
