The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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