you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
