im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
