either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
