I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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