whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
