Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
