OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
