if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
