Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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