Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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