remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
