they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
