i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
