Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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