His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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