yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize