I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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