I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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