Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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