We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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