You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
