U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
