How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
pray to the hookup gods
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
