guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
