Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
