i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
