Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
