I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
farters have to be the big spoon...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
