I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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