I am puke
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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