He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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