You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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