Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i already hear my dad disowning me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
