So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
