Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
