dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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