some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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