I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
