you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
