before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
