my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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