In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
