All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We're too hungover to prance.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
