just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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