Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize