My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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