Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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