Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
