do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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