Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize