I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
