When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
