its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize