I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
