I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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