Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
