I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
