I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize