Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
