And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
