I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
