Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
