yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
