I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
