first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
pray to the hookup gods
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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