i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
