wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
