The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
