508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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