But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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