Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
