What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
