Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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