I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
