I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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