I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
